Created For A System That Sucks

I grew up in a middle class home with a dream to have children, a white picket fence and a husband who loved me. I got it all but it's no longer my dream.

You see, along the way motherhood became something I was very passionate about and having a marriage that was healthy became a huge goal. But the white picket fence and the dream house nearly cost me the pursuit of both. We got the dream house once. The expenses tripled in under three years. So we sold it and got out of debt. We're still 100% debt free and I think pursuing a healthy marriage and being a great Mom is a lot easier when you are.

When I was growing up I told my parents I wanted to own a company. They ( that's the collective mind that comes when Mom and Dad talk together) told me that girls don't do things like that. My Dad winked however under his breath and said I could do anything I put my mind to.

I received my very favorite birthday present when I was 7. A chalkboard that was classroom official size. 10 feet by 4 feet I could teach the invisible children in my classroom to my hearts content. Many evenings I was grading papers from these little kids and I was moaning about how it was difficult to teach them with all their energy. Where did I get such a notion?  How does a 7 year old dream up an adult complaint about far too energetic kids as she 'grades' her classroom papers that she herself created?

My imagination grew and so did my dreams.

By the time I was 8 I had an 'official' office desk, chair, file cabinet and chalkboard. All of the gifts for Christmas and birthdays and even religious holidays were wrapped around my pursuit to lead people.

By the time I was 10 I was in a school where a bully, a female bully no less with a size 38D cup size at age 12 scared the crap out of me… and somehow my dreams seemed to dissipate as well. She told me I didn't fit in and that was my first experience with terror at school. I'd experience it alot more in later years.

Ironically my goals to lead people turned into a pursuit at having the smallest waist line and fitting in. A crowd of girls who took Dexatrim as a vitamin 4 times daily grew and we all were wasting away. Our leader died at age 13 from an overdose to 21 diet pills in one day. My dream to be thin was gone forever. Funny, to this day I struggle with my weight. I'm not fat but there are 20 protective pounds that remind me of the fear that was built into me seeing a friend die like that.

I suffered my first ulcer at age 12 and remember a school counselor telling me life didn't have to be so hard.

By the time I was 17 I was so fed up with the mindless system of school I looked for ways just to pass because I wanted to work and make money. At 18 I was running a gym, a health food store and pursuing a career in bodybuilding. This was a sport where I was the only player and I could be anything I wanted to be.  After winning several medals and realizing performance and pleasing people didn't thrill me I gave up all that pipe dream and set out to 'get a real life' .

By the time I was 24 a one night stand created a life as a single mother for my dream and all my hopes went down the toilet. "You have to stop playing around it's time now to think of someone other than yourself" were constant threats from family members.

But this beautiful blonde haired baby with misty blue eyes caused me to do something I hadn't done in almost 15 years. I began to dream. I dreamed of being able to work again and have a big house and give him everything in life he deserved. I dreamed of leading again and making a difference.

Today I'm 45, married with three amazing sons and that little blonde haired gem runs his own business while working for someone else 40 hrs a week as well. He typically threatens people quite often because he's an out of the box thinker. He has creativity that can't stand to be corralled and while he's gone a long way learning to rise at 7 am and show up at work 40 hrs per week over and over again I believe there will come a day when he'll say piss on it all and go build his own million dollar empire.

On the side of this regular job he already earns 6-figures just 'playing' around with marketing online. He already has learned to play piano like no one's business, has flown a plane, paid cash for his own BMW, moved across country twice and he's the kid that all of my friends and family said would 'fail because of lack of exposure to regular school' when I homeschooled him at age 2.

Yes, he started that early because he was so hungry to learn and could already write his name for crying out loud. This is the kid who at age 7 did the periodic table of elements and I asked God where the heck he came from and how could I possibly be his teacher?

There's a system out there that hated when I decided to homeschool him.

This same system got angry as a hornet who hasn't made honey in a century when I decided to start my own business while at the same time schooling my three kids at home.

This same system couldn't tolerate the fact that I earned more than 5 x what my husband did in my first business online even though I never went to college and I couldn't stand being in school when I was 16.

This same system tried to medicate and inoculate and shut off my own creativity when I was 20.

It's a system made for drones. A system made for people who behave. A system that doesn't like those who question why things are like they are.

But I've never been a follower of rules and I never could quite handle it when an expert told me something was because it was if it didn't even sound logical or moral.

I used to beat up little boys in the sandbox who didn't let me build my castles as big as I wanted and I didn't have a problem being alone as a teenager if everyone else seemed unhappy anyways.

But along the way I almost sank and I almost gave into this suckey system. It was when I almost gave up on my dreams and began to live without thought.

Seth Godin's book Linchpin recently ignited fire back into my furnace and reminded me why I am the way I am.

It's not the things that I do that make me so unique it's simply who I am…. and always have been that makes the difference so unique.

I was created and designed for no system other than the system of my dreams.

How about you? Were you created for a system that sucks? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Tagged as: copywriter, email marketing, sandi krakowski, web copywriting